FEBRUARY

I heard somewhere that if you stare at the sun for too long you would go blind.

I am not sure if that’s some allegorical saying, but I know for a fact that it hurts like an angry kitten to accidentally glance at the sun for even a second. Gives you a headache and makes you see spots, so I am not too far from agreeing with the “will make you go blind” part.

This whole solo ocean racing campaign sometimes feels like that. Staring at the sun.

It wasn’t too long ago that I learned from my friends that I had remarkable ambition fueled by my passion.

I always thought that the things I wanted in life–or rather, HOW MUCH I pursued the things I want, was no different from how other people pursued the things they want.

Apparently passion and ambition were two things not a lot of people had, and I feel blessed to have friends and family who made me understand the kind of person I was.

You keep telling yourself that “the learning never stops” because, one: you hear and read about it from everywhere, and two: you reach a stage of maturity where you realize just that. And then, of course, you learn about yourself from other people when they tell you about how they perceive you, and it it gives a whole new dimension into “the learning never stops.”

Had I been younger, all this talk about how remarkable I am as a person would inadvertently bloat my ego.

Luckily I have friends who are honest enough to tell me they are just kidding and that I am, instead, a callous, tactless troll, who rubs a lot of people the wrong way.

Don’t you just love progressive relationships?

Although, it sometimes feels like my passion feeds my ambition too much and this project has turned into something beyond my professional acumen. I know for a fact that it is something beyond what I am singularly capable of, which is why I never presumed to just call myself “Paolo Viloria” racing. I needed an entire team to get me to wherever, and then back again in one piece.

This project has totally consumed me, but in a good way. I lose sleep just visualizing, planning, and preparing.

So, in going back to the “staring at the sun” part, the strain of doing that has started to tell on me. I am afraid that I would go blind if I go on with this kind of relentlessness, but I am more afraid that if I look away I would lose the sun itself.

All I know is that I want it bad. Not for the success. Not for the bragging rights. I just want to be able to race solo. I want to be able to experience it. I want to be a part of it. I want it to become a part of me.

I have to remind myself that when we sailors do these long ocean passages, we keep going even at night. In fact we tend to be more awake at night than we do in the day. The evening shows you just how brilliant the sky can be when you are waiting for the sun to show itself again.

So, I guess, I shouldn’t stare at the sun too much. My direction is clear and I am, without a doubt, committed to my course.

I do not need to blind myself to realize this.

HK-to-Subic-2016-00

 


 

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